


"We have food at home"

by Yandere_Shoujo



Series: Children yelling McDonalds McDonalds McDonalds [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Born of memes, Friendship, Gen, mcdonalds, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:32:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yandere_Shoujo/pseuds/Yandere_Shoujo
Summary: "Children yelling McDonalds McDonalds McDonalds" meme in Kingdom Hearts drabble form.





	1. Riku

**Author's Note:**

> This is so weirdly organized if you bother picking it up, kudos to you.

Riku groaned, the incessant pleading of Sora perpetually tugging mentally and physically at him.

It had been one time. Riku brought Sora a small order of fries from the ever expanding chain because he figured his friend should try some.

Turned out they were an intergalactic chain and one just so happened to spring up on their home world seemingly from nowhere.

Now this.

“McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!” Sora chanted. One hand tugging at a piece of fabric from his sleeveless vest. Riku sighed and shrugged his arm free from his position against the drooping palm tree.

“Sora, we have food at home. And it’s way better for you than eating hot salt.”

“But it’s good, hot salt!”

Riku huffed and met Sora’s ten thousand watt smile with a deadpan.

In the end, Riku accompanied his friend to the bright red salt emporium for fries that he was sure were going kill him before any darkness could.


	2. Kairi

Kairi bit her lip as Sora gave her his best puppy dog eyes.

“C’mon Kairi. Pleaaaaase?”

Yes McDonalds was delicious. It was cheap, right in the heart of a shopping center and salty. So, so salty.

Even the sundaes were salty somehow.

But a line had to be drawn and she wasn’t going to give herself a heart attack because her best friend couldn’t stop stuffing his gullet with hamburgers, fries and soda.

“Or, I could show you all the recipes I learned while you were… away.”

It was unfortunate that the power of her paopu fruit salad or fish and mushroom fillets could not over power her best friend’s raw lust for carbs.

The chanting started.

“McDonalds…”

It always started off slow and steady.

“McDonalds… McDonalds…”

Nope. She would not have it. Not today.

Sora groaned as he was pulled by the back of his hood in the direction of her residence at the mayor’s house.

“I am going to cook you a healthy, filling meal and you are going to like it.”

Kairi’s word was inarguable and there would be no McDonalds that night.


	3. Aqua and Terra

Was it a bad idea to give the fragile boy who’d recently been in a coma McNuggets?

Probably.

Yes.

But Terra wasn’t thinking too hard on it, and Aqua thought the treat was harmless.

Harmless if she ate a grand total of three her entire life, because she could taste the chemicals in just one.

It was literally an otherworldly experience given that Master Eraqus had brought them all something after a business trip. Apparently it was all the rage with the younger crowd.

“But I really want more McNuggets!”

It almost sounded like begging, and Terra’s heart felt weak.

“I told you Ven, that kind of stuff just isn’t, er, around. Besides, Aqua’s a great cook!”

Ven crossed his thin arms and pouted.

“Yeah, well it sure isn’t a Happy Meal.”

“Ven!” Terra chastised.

Aqua gently placed her face within her palm and counted to five.

“Ven.” She began, bending down to reach eye level with him. “There will be another time when we can have deep fried grease and mystery meat. But you should focus on healthy foods that will help you train.”

The training grounds were full of lush, green scenery. The smell of flowers blew in the wind, the sun shined bright over their heads. But Ven was seeing another glimmer.

The glossy brown-red of barbeque sauce sitting invitingly beside the treasures that were McNuggets. The slight crunch right before the satisfying long chew from skin to meat. Even if it was mystery meat. It was supposed to be chicken, but Ven didn’t care if it was chicken, pork, or pigeon. The balance of seasoning and salt made his mouth water and shook him down to his core.

Terra waved a hand in front of Ven’s face, snapping him out of his reverie with a start.

“Here’s a thought! How about we make them ourselves. That way we can have them here, and you can make as many as you want!” Terra stood up straight with balled fists at his hips, proud of his idea.

Aqua stood straight as well, but waggled her finger as she spoke.

“You shouldn’t encourage that kind of eating habit. Besides, all those chemi-”

Ven’s eyes blotted out the sun with their sudden shine as he raised his fists to his chest and was practically bouncing on his toes.

At this point, Aqua knew she wouldn’t win.

“I’ll go see if we have a deep fryer.”

Suffice it to say, Ven’s cheers nearly deafened everyone in the immediate area.


	4. Saix

The Moogle in the Grey Area started selling McDonalds Value Menu items and Demyx bought the entire stock within a week.

It happened again, two weeks later, and then again when it restocked once more.

Saix convinced Xemnas that the food items were directly in correlation with the Nocturne’s laziness and he wasn’t even getting the munny from working. The others weren’t exactly major buyers, except Axel, so to the Moogle’s dismay, it had to stop selling them after several threats of getting its pom ruffled.

“I said, no.” Saix’s tone was final, but the two in front of him never did take his tone seriously most of the time.

“C’mon don’t be like that! Little guy needs munny just as much as the rest of us.”

Saix cast Demyx a golden glare.

“You do not _need_ munny. It is beneficial to buy potions yes but wealth should be the least of your concerns. Especially if it is squandered on junk food.”

Axel dared to snake his arm around Saix’s shoulders and he squeezed in jest.

“I’ve seen you wolf down a hamburger before. Even you can see the value in a Value Meal.”

When Saix bristled, Axel quickly let go and hopped back. Forcing himself to breathe and not go berserk, Saix spoke again.

“If you wish to stuff your faces with an assortment of grease and unknown substances, I suggest you make use of Number Four’s lab. Now for the last time- Number Nine!”

Demyx was counting munny in front of the Moogle, making it sweat underneath its hood.

Saix breathed hard through his nose and prepared to beat some sense into the blonde man’s head when Axel spoke up.

“Demyx, wait! Come here.”

The two stood close as they whispered back and forth, resulting in Demyx looking up into empty space as though he had a revelation. Together, they rushed out of the Grey Area via a dark portal.

Xigbar, who had been quietly sitting on a sofa during the entire exchange, wore a toothy grin. Luxord had been sitting across from him, shuffling cards and also smiling.

“I am under the impression you have done something to cause this.” Saix said, letting calm fall back on his features.

“Nothing but a simple bet.” Luxord explained, chuckling after.

“Yeah. Which one of them puts on 50 pounds first.” Xigbar finished.

Saix was quiet as he processed this.

“You told them where to actually find a McDonalds didn’t you?”

Both Luxord and Xigbar faced Saix, looking pleased with themselves more than a Nobody should.

 


	5. DiZ and Namine

Perhaps programming a McDonalds into a simulation was a mistake. There wasn’t actually one of the thousands of physical locations in Twilight Town, but it only made sense to keep Roxas pacified until Sora’s memories were restored. So during a test run of the program to make sure it booted up properly, he had Namine as his guinea pig to report if everything was as it should be.

What she found where A.I. consumed with the craving for McChickens, McFlurries, and the curious selection of Bacon Ranch Grilled Chicken Salad.

No other stores had any customers, no one went to work, or school. They would all stand in a line and crowd the interior of the gold crowned, red fortress.

“Maybe…” Namine looked up cautiously from the floor, hoping DiZ was listening. “Maybe remove it so the people can eat food at their own house?”

DiZ, under normal circumstances, would ask what a Nobody witch knew about homes and cooking. But she did have a point.

Roxas didn’t necessarily _need_ to eat either. It was just a simulation. But the fewer questions he asked within it, the better. Though as he watched from his monitor, the ever persistent coding for Diet Coke and Double Cheeseburger kept appearing, making it clear it would overtake the entire program if he let it continue as it were.

“It seems as though I’ll have to remove it entirely.” DiZ sighed. “Sea Salt Ice cream should do just fine then.”


	6. Vexen and Lexaeus

Vexen was a scientific genius who strived for the best results. Though he did experience failure from time to time. Upon programming the boy who would be Riku’s replica, he included hunger and a digestive system. Because he had to be just like the real thing and more, obviously.

However, the initial results…

“What did you just say?”

The replica stood with Riku’s posture, spoke with his voice, and looked Vexen right in the eye as he repeated.

“Sausage McMuffin.”

Vexen crossed his arms and looked down. What was a McMuffin? His lab was vast and filled with notes of all kinds, but he couldn’t once recall anything that was a McMuffin. Was its speech malfunctioning?

“You will wait here.” Vexen commanded.

Initially seeking out Zexion, he ran into Lexaeus.

“I suppose you’ll do. Lexaeus, what is a McMuffin?”

The big man slowly blinked.

“Is this some sort of jest?”

Vexen’s temper flared and he straightened himself, using his full height though not quite being on eye level.

“No this is not a jest! I am very close to completing the replica, however, it said something that I don’t understand. I don’t know if its speech is impaired, but it doesn’t sound like gibberish.”

“What is it saying?” Lexaeus asked calmly.

“It’s saying, “Sausage McMuffin.” Obviously it must be some sort of food, but I don’t know what a McMuffin even is!”

Lexaeus breathed out and closed his eyes before responding.

“It appears that it wants food. Perhaps something the original really liked. I can assure you what it wants, it cannot get. Not here at least.”

Vexen threw up his hands in exasperation.

“Of all the defects. I’ll have to re-program him. Though, you seem to know much about this McMuffin.”

Lexaeus’ mouth twitched with the hint of a smile.

“A sausage McMuffin is the combination of a round sausage, melted cheese,  hot sauce and sometimes fried egg, sandwiched between two muffins. It is one of the various specialties of the food chain, McDonalds.”

Vexen stepped back, blanching.

“That sounds like a cholesterol nightmare.”

The other’s massive shoulders lifted in a shrug.

“They can be pleasant.”

“I didn’t know we were planning a trip to McDonalds.” A new voice added.

Zexion stood beside the other two in the hall.

“Vexen this is a surprise, would you pick me up a black coffee?”

“There will be no errands to this McDonalds! Besides, I have work to do.”

Vexen then turned to go back to his lab, muttering about sodium and heart attacks.

“Old friend, do you want to leave the castle for a bit?”

Zexion’s grin beneath his hair nor his tone could sway Lexaeus as he looked down with a blank face. The other’s grin dropped.

“Well then, it looks like I’ll have to make do without that coffee.”


End file.
